


Mistakes don't define you

by PerriewinkleNerdie



Category: Open Heart (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 18:08:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20746505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerriewinkleNerdie/pseuds/PerriewinkleNerdie
Summary: Years after they saw each other last, he finds himself in need of help. And it just so happened that she was nearby





	Mistakes don't define you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello, hello!   
I didn’t mean to write it, I swear to Ramsey, it just sort of happened. I started writing it as… I don’t even know what and then I started brainstorming and… this happened.  
Enjoy! <3

He was furious. This was precisely why he always planned everything ahead. From what he was wearing to where he was going. It allowed him to be sure that he wouldn’t be caught off guard. Like he was now.

Stuck in the middle of nowhere, his car turned off, out of gas. With absolutely nothing and no one that could help him. It was him and the endless patches of green, nowhere to hide, nowhere to go, nothing to do.

If he had to be completely honest, he couldn’t even remember what caused him to be so reckless. It had to be something significant, but nothing came to his mind. And now he was in the place of no return, he didn’t have a chance to go back in time and make up for his mistakes.

_Mistakes don’t define you._

He was flooded with a memory of a pair of warm arms, wrapped around him tightly as he sat on the couch with his head on her arm. If he closed his eyes, he could almost smell her perfume, feel her body next to his, the only thing keeping him grounded in that moment. His hands were curled into fists, knuckles so tensed with force they were as white as paper. His shoulders were moving up and down as he breathed heavily, desperately fighting his body and the urge to cry. He was stronger than this, he would not cry, he _never_ cried…

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly, severing the silence with a clean cut of her voice. He didn’t move, didn’t look up at her. He did nothing.

“It’s my fault. I should have been able to see it coming, I should have been able to stop it before- before I made a mistake.”

“_Mistakes don’t define you_. I, of all people, know that fairly well. If they did, we probably wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.” she whispered softly, her hands covering his, relaxing his grip. He knew she was right, and he wanted to believe her, but he always struggled with failure. “You are not a failure.” She added, almost as though she could read his mind.

“How-“

“I know you, Ethan. I don’t need to read your mind to know when you’re going down the self-destructive path. And I simply won’t allow it.” she leaned her head onto his, closing her eyes as they sat in silence.

Claire.

Her words rang through his head as he fell against the hood of his car heavily, almost as though he got crushed under the weight of the memories. One by one, he got reminded of all the times his heart fluttered, nearly leaping out of his chest when she was close. How she became his ally, his friend, his lover, his _everything._ The time he hugged her for the first time, kissed her for the first time, made love to her for the first time. The warmth spread inside his chest as he closed his eyes, her face materializing right in front of them. She was smiling at him widely, approaching him slowly. Her lips were moving as she spoke, but she was still too far away for him to hear anything. Only when she got closer did he hear what she was saying.

_“I guess I’m not a risk you’re willing to take.”_

His eyes snapped back open as a cold spike went through his heart. A new memory flashed in his mind, one full of anger and raised voices. Late in the night their shouts were clear, meant to cause harm, to hurt, to destroy.

And that’s exactly what he was doing. He was tired, sleep-deprived and irritated, and he wasn’t thinking clearly in that moment. Nor was she, but it was him who started the fight, it was him who fueled the fire, him who didn’t let it go.

It was him who caused her to leave behind everything she knew in Boston, she loved in Boston, and start somewhere else again. It was him who knocked down her walls, crumbled them to dust, and then pushed her into it, with no regard to her feelings. Now that he was thinking about it, he had no regard for his own feelings either.

Because what good did it bring him? Sadness, loneliness and pain. And all because he couldn’t admit that he was wrong, that he made a mistake, that it was his fault. His regrets came later, when he was alone, surrounded by silence of his four walls. He blamed himself for everything that happened, for hurting her, for letting it get that far. He foolishly believed that he could have something so beautiful, so good, that he deserved to be happy. He really believed that he could be with her, that his love would be enough to keep them from crashing and burning.

How wrong he was.

As most things in his life, he was bound to screw things up. He pursued the relationship with her, and there always was a little voice in the back of his head, telling him that he would sabotage himself. From the very start, from the moment he laid his eyes upon her, he knew he should have kept his distance. But he was selfish, oh so selfish. For once in his life he wanted the world to let him have her, to let him keep her. The only thing he forgot was that the world was not merciful to anyone, and it would not bend its rules just for him.

Stuck in his current situation, he had a lot of time to reminisce all the actions that led to his eventual downfall. It all started and ended with her, no matter how much he tried to run from the truth, it always somehow found him. _She_ always somehow seemed to find him, be it in his thoughts or his dreams. He tried not to think about her too much, tried not to dwell on his past, even though he knew there was no running from it.

Just as he was losing all hope of getting any help, he heard a faint sound of a car, coming his way. He said a silent prayer, thanking whatever power gave him a helping hand in his time of need. The car was luxurious, which surprised him, but he decided not to question his luck. The vehicle came to a slow stop and the window rolled down.

“Hello, sir, do you need a ride?” a man, sitting in the passenger’s seat, asked, smiling at him kindly.

“My car ran out of gas, if you could take me to the city so I could get some help, that would be perfect.” He sighed, looking back at his car with a tired glance.

“Of course, sir, no problem. Get in, we’ll drive you to town to get that gas you need and then my wife will take you back here. How does that sound?”

“That’s all I can ask for, thank you so much for your help.” He checked if his car is locked and got inside the stranger’s car. He didn’t pay attention to who was helping him until he was sitting in the backseat, seatbelt fastened, nowhere to run.

“Hello, Dr. Ramsey.” A soft voice called out to him from the driver’s seat, like a slap on the face. The voice he never thought he would hear again. The voice that filled his dreams.

“Claire?” he asked incredulously, not quite able to wrap his head around the situation he found himself in.

What he thought to be a gift for him from the world, quickly turned into a curse. _Again. _

“How are you? It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.” She mused delicately, her eyes not once flicking towards him in the rear-view mirror. Avoiding him, as she should, as she protected herself from him yet again.

“Good. You?”

“Great.” She smiled softly, but he noticed her knuckles turning white where she was gripping the steering wheel.

“You two know each other?” the mysterious man asked, turning his head to look at the woman next to him. His hand covered her on the clutch, the golden wedding band sparkling in the sun proudly.

“Dr. Ramsey was my attending back when I worked in Boston.” She replied, her fingers lacing with his, a smudge of gold catching rays of sunshine.

“Oh, you’re Ethan Ramsey! My wife has told me so much about you! Very nice to meet…” the rest of the sentence was drowned out by the white noise in his head. _His wife?_ Claire was married to this man?

The silence in the car that eventually settled upon them was becoming more and more uncomfortable for him. And by silence, he meant that he stopped talking. The married couple in the front conversed freely, comfortably, as though they have known each other their whole lives. _Which they probably did._

“How long do you think the whole thing will take?” the man asked, his expression worried as he looked at Claire with affection in his eyes, clear as day.

“I don’t know, John, it shouldn’t be that long. And I’m sorry that you can’t be there, I know how much you wanted to go.” She murmured, her hand gripping his tighter. John picked her hand up, pressing a loving kiss to it, looking at her for a long moment.

Ethan felt out of place watching the scene unfolding. Like he was interrupting, witnessing something he shouldn’t. He kept his eyes on his legs, missing the way Claire was looking back at him. He also didn’t see the way John was looking between the two of them, slowly realizing what could have been between them in the past.

“So… what have you been up to lately, Mr. Ramsey?” John asked, causing both Claire and Ethan to look at him. Ethan’s eyes trailed to her and noticed how she smiled when she looked at her husband. There was no hesitation in the way she touched his hand, no tension in her muscles.

“I’ve been working, leading the diagnostic team…”

“Oh! How is the team? I’ve been nagging Naveen about it, but he didn’t say much.” Claire tapped her fingers against the steering wheel in excitement, her eyes lighting up.

“You’re talking to Naveen?” Ethan asked, dumbfounded.

“Yes, we meet up for lunch once a month.” She responded before thinking what she was saying. She shook her head slightly, asking about the team again.

“It’s good, doing a lot of good for people.” He murmured, not sure what to say. She didn’t push him for answers, and he was grateful for it. After that, the silence engulfed them once again, and not much was said for the rest of their ride to the city.

\---- ---- ----

The gas station was right at the border of the city, so they didn’t need to go far. Ethan got out of the car as soon as he could, going to buy the gas he needed, leaving his companions behind. John took that opportunity to talk to his wife about the mysterious doctor.

“So _this_ is Ethan Ramsey… not what I expected him to be. Not exactly how you described him either.” He mused, a hint of laughter sneaking into his voice at the end. Claire wrapped her hands around his arm, looking into his eyes.

“Well, it’s been three years, we both changed. He didn’t change much, though. Still tired, still loving control, still-“

“Still handsome?” he interrupted her, stunning her with his forwardness. She gave him a confused look, but there was a hint of uneasiness in her eyes. “Come on, I have eyes, Claire. I know you two were close, but you never actually told me what happened between you two.”

She shrugged her shoulders, but she knew she couldn’t hide things from him if she tried. Taking a deep breath, casting a look in the direction where Ethan went, she started talking.

“We… were in a difficult position. Or at least, he thought we were. I was never opposed to the idea of the two of us together, I didn’t get this need of his to keep things professional. We gave in to our feelings and for a while, things were great. And then we got into this huge fight, words went too far and I left. Never looked back at him again. The only thing that connects me to my old life in Boston are Naveen and my friends.” She concluded, her eyes holding a promise of answering all his unasked questions later, when they would be alone, at home. He nodded solemnly, looking at the building where Ethan was himself.

“So I have nothing to be afraid of?” he asked without looking at her. Her grip on his arm tightened considerably, reassuringly.

“Of course not. You’re my husband. I love you, I chose you because I love you. And I don’t want anyone else.”

“Good. Because I love you too.” He smirked, gathering her in his arms and pressing a long, hard kiss to her lips. She responded immediately, her arms wrapping around his neck as she got lost in him. A bright smile grew on her lips as he moved them around a little, dancing to the nonexistent tune he hummed under his breath. Then, in one, sudden move, he pushed her up against the car, drawing a low moan from her, followed by a series of pecks on his lips as she giggled playfully.

A sound of someone clearing their voice caused them to break apart, though John kept his hand around his wife without a single care in the world. A very flushed Ethan was looking at them, a canister of gas in his hand, standing there awkwardly. He was avoiding looking at either of them, choosing to look at his shoes instead.

“I- I’m ready to go if you are.” He mumbled under his breath.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go. I’ll see you soon?” she turned to John, smiling softly. He nodded, kissing her forehead gently.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

With that, John shook Ethan’s hand and left the two to themselves. Claire moved her eyes to Ethan, searching for any change in his posture now that John was gone, but he got even more tense if that was even possible.

“You ready to go? I have an appointment later in the afternoon, so we should get go- ah!” she started talking, but stopped, exclaiming as she tripped, the ground approaching her fast. Ethan reacted out of instinct, jumping to her in record time, wrapping his hands around her middle. She grabbed his arms, not looking at him, and when she was steady again, she moved away.

“Wow, thank you so much! I really wouldn’t want to gain a bruise.” She laughed, finally directing her gaze to him.

He was stuck in place, frozen in his previous position. His arms were twisted in weird direction, his forehead creased, and he seemed to not have been breathing.

“Ethan? Are you okay?” she took a hesitant step towards him, touching his arm cautiously. That snapped him out of his daze, his eyes meeting her at last.

“You- you’re… you’re pregnant, aren’t you?” he asked softly, his eyes dropping to her stomach. She laughed quietly, raising her shirt up a little to reveal a rather prominent bump.

“Yes, I am. That makes you an even bigger hero, saving a pregnant woman from falling. Once again, thank you.” she let the fabric fall back down, turning towards the car. “Let’s go!”

\---- ---- ----

The music in the car was not something Ethan would have chosen to listen to, but it wasn’t his car. And he wasn’t in the position to dictate anything. The atmosphere between them was heavy, almost to the point of being unpleasant. He wanted to either jump out of the car and walk the rest of the distance, or to try and make amends. Claire seemed to have chosen the second option, because she turned the music down.

“I can tell you hate it.” she laughed, and he tried to keep himself from joining her, but failed. Their voices mixed, making Ethan’s heart ache as it brought him back to the times when his life was easier. “So, now that you can actually breathe, how are you? And don’t give me that ‘I’m good’ bullshit, I can still see right through you, Ramsey.”

He was stunned into silence yet again. Three years of not seeing him, and she still had him wrapped around her little finger, like they were never apart. He cleared his throat, looking out the window.

“It’s been… strange. To not have you around, that is.” He confessed finally, his voice low and small, afraid of what she might think of him.

“I’m sure you were up to great things. After all, you’re Ethan Ramsey, you just can’t not do that.” Her giggle carried through the air in the car, giving away how comfortable she seemed to be around him.

“Claire… how do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Be this… relaxed around me. I hurt you so badly, I pushed you away, and yet you’re acting as though I didn’t do anything wrong.”

There it was. The truth. The truth he was so afraid of. The very thing that made him so uncomfortable in his own skin. He looked towards the window again. Maybe jumping out was still an option.

“Ethan… please tell me that you weren’t beating yourself up over what happened between us for the last three years?” she said slowly, even though she already knew the answer.

Of course he did.

He was Ethan, he didn’t know how to handle situations like this. In the time she spent with him, she found out how he deals with personal mistakes. This was it. Guilt, self-loathing and hate. All he ever knew; all he ever did. Bottling up his emotions was his forte, never letting anyone get close enough to unload all the baggage he was carrying around with him his whole life.

“I- it’s the only way I know how to cope.” He confessed after a moment of hesitation. She sighed heavily, her hand on her belly as she breathed heavily.

“Cope? Ethan, are worried that I am still… mad at you for what happened? Because I’m not. I forgave you a long time ago. And you should forgive yourself too.” She whispered, her voice getting softer and softer as she spoke.

The silence fell over them again, the barely noticeable music still playing. Her fingers drummed against the steering wheel as she kept her eyes on the road, and he kept his gaze on his hands, curled into fists, knuckles white.

When he looked up a few minutes later, he noticed his car coming into the view. They stopped next to it, the engine falling silent, leaving them in complete quietness. She reached for the door handle when he spoke up.

“I don’t know how.” He said without looking at her. A beat passed before she answered.

“How to… what?”

“How to forgive myself. I had good, _so good,_ and I let it all get away. I let _you_ get away. And now that I look at you, married, pregnant, happy… I can’t help but wonder what might have been if I wasn’t such a…” he couldn’t find the words to finish the sentence, to describe himself. Every word seemed not enough, there wasn’t a word big enough to describe how much of a fool he was. Still is.

They got out of her car, walking towards his. She stood to the side as he poured the fuel, watching him wordlessly for a while.

“It’s going to take some time… and a lot of work… but you are going to get there. Someday you’re going to make someone so happy… and you will be happy too. I’m sure of it. You’re capable of that, Ethan. You’re capable of _love_, just give yourself a chance.” She finally severed the silence, observing as his body tensed at the sound of her voice, before he relaxed.

He turned back to her, their eyes locked, standing only a few feet away from each other. She took the first step, then another and another, wrapping her arms around him tightly, bringing him in for a hug. He embraced her, mindful of her midsection.

“Thank you.” he whispered after a short moment. She snuggled into him one last time.

“Don’t be a stranger, okay? Keep in touch with me, I missed you, Ethan.” She responded in a hushed tone, her grip on him still tight. She could feel him nodding, but it was not enough. “Promise me you won’t shut yourself out again. And promise me you’ll try to forgive yourself. Also, don’t try to hide things from me. If you won’t tell me the truth, Naveen will.” She threatened, eventually laughing. His posture shook too as they finally stepped away.

“I promise.”

She squeezed his fingers for the last time before going back to her car. Just as she was getting in, she turned around, a wide grin on her face.

“See you later, Ethan.”

“See you later, Claire.”


End file.
